I am pregnant!!!

Thank you all so much for all your prayers!!

I have been praying for our country more ever since Pastor said a few weeks ago that he believes that revival is coming and God is going to pour out His Spirit on our country. My heart and thoughts have really been drawn to this a lot lately.

I keep reading all of your blogs and hearing people in our class talking, growing. In my life I am growing probably more in this past year than any other so far. God is revealing Himself, a lot. I know that if it is so prevalent here that it is happening all over this country.

I think that He is preparing us all. Getting us where He wants us. Strengthening us so that we can help carry out His plan for our country. I am sure this has been going on long before I ever came around, but I think that I might actually get to have a very small part in this. It is just such an amazing revelation to me I had to share it.

We were driving to the lake listening to the radio. I was looking out for deer like I usually do on this drive, but it was late and unlikely that I would see any. We were coming to the end of our three and a half hour drive. I was talking to God and trying to have faith. I have had a lot of questions lately and prayers that I haven't seemed to get any answers to. I told God that I just needed to know if He was listening. I asked Him to show me a deer if He was. Within twenty seconds we rounded a turn and saw a momma and two babies on the side of the road. My eyes filled with tears and my heart with gratitude. It was just what I needed.

That night I told Matt what happened. We both laughed that maybe He was also telling us that we would get our twins. I have thought of that almost everyday since and every time it reminds me that God loves me so much and that He loves to show me in ways that are just for me. Also, I have wondered if the twin things was just us or was God showing me that we would really have them.

Tonight on my way home I decided to ask Him. I was a little afraid of His answer, would it be the one I desired? I asked Him that if we were to have twins this month and that is what my deer meant if He would show me another momma and two babies. I peered out of the window, drove fairly slow, and hoped with all my heart. I was coming to the end of Lion's Den road and I told God that it didn't matter I believed anyway. I started to praise Him, more for my need of comfort really.

Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw them. I pulled the car to the shoulder and tried to angle the headlights. YES!!! It was my deer walking into the trees. Once again He told me He loved me and that He does hear me and loves to answer my prayers. What an amazing night.

My view is changing, it is getting bigger. I am realizing how little I knew before and how small of a view I had. He is always growing my view, but lately it is more abundant. I am letting go of the "monkey bars" and trusting God to catch me with more and more of my life. I am a little surprised at how much I still tried to control.

I love this path of growing. It is painful at times, but always worth it. It is amazing to look at where I was when I got married and see how far I have come. I am so grateful that He has brought me through all of the hard times so that I can be here now.

Wow, it has been almost a month since I blogged anything. Everything has been so busy. I keep thinking about what I would do if I knew I had a short time to live. Would I really be this busy? Do these things really have to get done?

Several times today Bella asked to go slide. I had so many things to do that I had already put off all week. I tried to get them all done in time, but at the end of the day it just didn't happen.

At dinner, I told Matt about it and it hit me that I should have taken her to go slide. I drug her around all day, rushing her here and there so that I could get it all done. All she wanted was some "mommy time" and 20 minutes at the playground.

I missed it today. But I thank God that he opened my eyes to it now, rather than when she is 15 and I wonder where the time went. What a perfect time for this book in my life. God definately works it all out perfectly.

umm...is this really me?

Okay, I did my homework and realized that I have some things to work on. To be expected, right. That is why I am taking the class. Then I get to class and realize that I have A LOT to work on. A bit frustrating.

I do try to control Matt to get my way. I do always give my opinion. I do tell him "I told you so" when he is wrong. I do think that I am right most of the time. Could there be anything else. I realized that I am a pretty selfish person, at least with Matt. I cannot believe that I haven't seen this sooner. I actually though that I was helping him. Wow!

Starting now I am jumping off my self made pedestal and practicing zipping my lip. Next time I take this class I want to say. Wow, this IS me!

Off to Cozumel

We are heading out to sea. I am rushing around trying to get everything together. I always get a little worried I am going to forget something important. Until yesterday I was still unsure if I would be able to go. I am feeling better now. By tomorrow the coughing should be mostly gone.

I have been thinking a lot about how this will go, playing out a few senarios in my mind. Why do I do that anyway none of them ever happen the way I imagine. I don't see that anything is getting better. It looks like maybe even a little worse.

Then I realize that I have taken it back from You. I have tried to see how "I" can work it out. I don't want to work it out, I want You to. I know that You will work all things together for my good if I will keep my hands off of it and let You. So again, I give it back to You, apologizing at my arrogance in thinking I knew better than You. Forgive me for not trusting You. I will humbly put myself back behind You instead of running ahead of You and trying to pull You in my direction. Funny, then I wonder why You aren't answering. Thank you for opening my eyes! I love You and will let You lead.