Mental Shift

So yesterday I wrote a post that was sort of a "poor me " one.  Thankfully God prompted me to save it and not actually post it.  I will have to keep it as a reminder of what I am like when my focus is on me.
It all started out with "I" am tired and "I" am getting bigger.  Then it grew into "I" should ... (lots of things).  It was at an all time high of "you" (whoever, but usually Matt)  should be doing ______ for me.  Which all lead to my pity party I had this weekend.  All the while I was wondering why I was in such a funk and feeling so lousy and eating so much crap in hopes to feel better, but of course not doing the job.  Why I wasn't hearing from God like I wanted to and why my kids were being so crabby!  My husband just didn't understand me and wasn't being very nice.  Well, It should have tipped me off when it was everyone else, right?  No it didn't.
Today I was gently reminded by God, through an amazing pastor, that when my view turned to me (tired, big, overwhelmed) and not to who God was wanting me to pour into, that I was hindering Him from filling me.  I was drained for sure, but not open so that He could give me the replenishment I was asking for and so needing.  It is amazing, I am still as big and pregnant as before and actually on less sleep, but feel more rejuvenated then I have it a bit. 

It isn't suppose to be on how I feel though.  So my shift is to now and will be reshifted as needed in the future to "who" can I help, love, and pour myself into so that my replenishment can come from God.  Which I am sure is a relief to those around me in whom I have been expecting it from as of late.  I will pour more of me in those times of feeling depleted so that refilling will come. 

I am not sure why I am continually in need of refocusing, but this stumbling child seems to "occasionally" get off track.  I am so thankful for a God, and amazing circle of people in my life who are patient with me as I regroup.  And who will stay by me through it all and still accept me when I come to my senses.

So I pray that my view will stay focused on God's leading and those in need.  That I will stay rooted in love and see this hurting world through His eyes.  And that I will daily live as an example of His beautiful, merciful, accepting, replenishing, amazing love to all of those that He graciously brings into my life.  Lord, help me to always keep my eyes on You and let you guide them to those You want me to see.  And never allow me to value myself, feelings, and situation too highly, as there are always those who are in a more desperate situation.  And all that really does is cloud my vision and close myself off to You. 

Peace

I had the most amazing conversation yesterday.  I can't believe that I am married to a man who is so wise when I need him to be.  I am truely blessed more than I give credit for most days.

I have really been struggling with answers.  There are so many that I do not have and don't know how to get.  I didn't realize the effect that it was having on me and my family.  I have been wondering why stress has been coming so easily and fustrations are involved in most of my days.  I have prayed, rebuked, and cried with little change. 

Finally I open up to Matt, like he hasn't notice right?  I told him how I was feeling.  With lots of caution, love, and plenty of God's help, He told me that I need to be okay with making mistakes, not having the answers, and not being able to figure everything out.  Simple, right?  It hit me and hard.  He told me that he and the kids would all be okay if I made a bad decision even a big one.

Why is this a revelation to me?  I know all of this.  I guess just didn't for my own life.  How much more is there that I know, but don't really know it for me?

This has been my distraction!  The enemy has had me so wrapped up in these situations that my growth has been stunted lately.  It is amazing how after just that conversation the weight that has left, the peace that has come, and this morning the revelation I once again received (even though small) by reading His Word. 

Thank you God for awakening me to me, to the distraction.  Help me to not allow distraction in my life! 

You won't win!!

Enemy,

I just wanted to inform you that all the victories God gave me are still mine!  All of the attempts to distract me will not work.  All of the attacks on those that I love are wounding, but never crippling.  I will overcome, I will move forward into all that He has for me.  I will not quit holding on to His promises for my life and my family's.  God's plan will prevail in my life!  You will loose this battle. 

So take note that your attempts are futile!  I have already won!

Kati