Seeing

I came upstairs and saw your Cinderella doll and your milk cup in the window sill of our room.  When I went into the bathroom the tie to my sweater was tied to the bathroom towel rack.  It really struck me in that moment of how these moments will not last forever and that one day I won't see these little presents you give to me.  One day you will grow up and leave behind these "childish" things, but I hope that you know I will always treasure them.

I went into your room just to see you once more before falling asleep and was once again amazed by how beautiful you are.  I had to just watch you sleep for awhile.  God has truely blessed me with such a wonderful little girl.

I am so thankful when He stops me long enough to take these special moments in.  I pray that I don't allow myself to ever get to busy where I will miss them.

I am off to some much needed sleep, but I might go in one more time to get a short snuggle with my little firstborn.

Imagine

Dare I dream?

A cool river gently running, the water is so refreshing.  Along side there are bluffs to climb and forests to explore.  The excitement and amazement of the beauty that is there to for me to find.  To my delight I discovery something wonderful.  I show You and see the approval on Your face and that You share in my delight.  As I continue in this place of awe and wonder You walk with me, enjoying me.  You are so patient and genuinly happy to just be with me.  You encourage me to go on.  I  run like a child so carefree then I stop to sit by You, to talk, to listen.  You tell me of how much You love me, not for what I've done, but simply for who I am.  My heart is exploding with love and desire for more of You...

I am once again at this point of being able to see how much I have grown and what I have overcome.  I am grateful for His changing me and molding me.  I am happy to see the progress.  Yet I also can see that I have so far to go.  It seems as though when I get through one thing it opens the door to so much more that I have yet to touch.  Sometimes I wish I could live blissfully unaware, but I would be living so shallowly in love and friendship, in peace and hope.

I cling to Him more with the deeper realization of how incompetant I am on my own to become who I am suppose to be.  Even this in my mind it always changing to some degree.  Yet the more I let go of and give to Him the more free that I become.

I have so far to go, but it will not become an idol in my life.  I will focus on His face, who He is, and how He sees me so that one day I can look back and see, all of these things that are now in front of me, far behind.  And yes there will be more that come into focus because I am always a work in progress, but His grace and jealous love for me will continue to move me through.  One day I will stand at His throne and not be able to recognize the person who I was when I started this amazing journey of faith!

Always Grace

I have to admit that last night a bit of fear started to creep in.  I have actually been dealing with it for several days now, fighting it when it starts to look for a grip.  Last night for a moment I allowed it to get to me.  I am disappointed to say.

Just as quickly Your grace reminded me of the promise You gave me.  So I said a weak prayer. I claimed Your promise with a little hope and a touch of conviction.  It strengthened me to take up the fight again.  It comforted me because I know that nothing is outside of Your reach, nothing is too big.  And slowly I became bolder.  In spite of the physical appearance I knew the reality!

Thankfully You always meet me where I am and not where I should be.  Thank You for Your never ending grace that gives me all I need.  And thank you that today I saw Your promise here in the physical!

Yet another promise...

My plan was so different than this.  I had it all figured out, all of the details in order.  I knew exactly what would work best and how to get it.  I told You so many times.  I was deeply saddened and even angry occasionally when You didn't stick to my agenda.  I even questioned Your love for me.

Now looking back, I sit here so amazed as I think that once again You have been so faithful to me.  You always are.  You are changing so many things right now.  It is so much better than I could have ever planned for.  You promised to work out all things for my good and each time I get a glimpse of Your perfect plan it pulls at my heart.  I am so amazed at the perfect details.  How the timing fits just right.  It is so much better!
Life is so thrilling letting You lead.  I get to hold on and enjoy.  There is so much freedom in doing it Your way. 

I never want to go back to that life, so boring and stressful.  Full of fear and worry.  Help me to always and in everything trust You completely.

Here's to you

Well, here's to you 20's.  I learned so much.  When I started this decade I was so different.  I knew more at the beginning than I do now at the end.  It seems to me that wisdom is largely in realizing that you really don't know very much.  I wouldn't trade a single day in my twenties because each one uniquely added to who I have become, but there is only a handful that I would want to relive. 

There are so many things that will mark this decade of my life in my memory my wonderful husband, our courtship and marriage, the birth of our three beautiful girls, my first house of my own to live in, and the list goes on.  This decade is filled with a lot of struggles, but more triumphs; alot of wrong choices, but more grace; a lot of stepping out on my own, but more of Him carrying me; a lot of fear, but more of His comfort; a lot of doubt, but more of His promises. 

There is so much in these beautiful years that I am grateful for, yet I am more excited for the ones ahead.  I am a different woman now compared to 10 years ago.  I am looking forward to all that He has in store for me.  So here I am 30's!

Clinging to You

Where are You?  I know that their hearts are asking this question, wondering why.  I know that they are struggling to see You and the meaning of it all.  I know that their faith is being tested.  They are questioning.

I know that You are there, but I can't see You in this either.  You said that You would never leave or forsake Your's. You said that You will work all things out for good. I know that You are faithful to Your promises.  I am clinging to them with all I have right now.  For me and for them.  Help us see You in this.

Problems give meaning to life

Obstacles are conditions of success. 

A life free of all obstacles and difficulties would reduce all possibilities and powers to zero. 

Eliminate problems and life loses its creative tension.

-John Maxwell

Exercise

I have realized something.  I am a happier, more energetic person when I excercise.  I seem to get more done with a better attitude on the days I excercise.  I feel better about myself and I make better eating choices.  So why do I have to talk myself into it and then drag myself to the TV for the video EVERYDAY?  It just doesn't make sense.

Best Year Yet

My 2009 was definately the best year yet.  I have a stronger faith, a little more patience, and I realize again how much I really don't know (compared to when I was a teenager, then I knew everything).  I have deeper friendships, a better marriage, and more wonderful girls.

I have let a lot go to gain more of Him.  I have seen just a little more of my Father and realized that He really is proud of me.  I've had more prayers answered and spiritual breakthroughs than ever before.

I see that I have so many areas to grow in.  I fail everyday.  But today I looked back and saw how far I have come and I am so grateful.

I believe that 2010 will be EVEN BETTER.  Because that is the wonderful, beautiful, loving God we serve.