Small amounts

After many tears of failure and prayers to not mess up the next time, only to find myself "next time" in the same place. I never want to doubt You or let You down. It just seemed that I would collapse under the pressure and start to let doubt in.

But You were growing me through it all, growing my faith. I couldn't see the small amounts being added each time that I failed, but reached out to You. I never realized that part of having faith is being able to turn to You when I fail and believe that You will give me the increase to just reached out to You again the next time. Eventually, all of the small amounts add up to a change in behavior.

Today I could see the increase in myself, the change that You made in me in this weak area. The strengthening of my faith and once again an answer to my prayers.

How good You are to me, so undeserved. I am so grateful!

Refreshed

Yesterday I realized just how much I need my friends and my time at church (even if spent in the nursing mothers room). After a stressful week at home, I had a great weekend spending time with friends and with God. Today I feel like I can handle this week with God's grace and with patience.

Hopefully I will still feel the same way come Wednesday :)

Looking Back

I have found a couple of minutes where there is nothing else to do and I have words to write. Several times I have been sitting here in this chair, looking at this same screen and nothing seemed to come.

This time I was looking back at some of my older posts and I am so thankful for how far God has brought me. He has given me so many of my hearts desires. Especially the one of not letting me sit and spoil, but always changing me, growing me, molding me, stripping me down to the root of things and building back something beautiful. Something only He could have seen in me. Thank you Daddy for always seeing in me what I never could. And thank you for being proud of me, another questioned answered. Thank You for helping me to see You and know You more.

Thank You for this moment with You and this next one with my sweet little girl who is crying for her mommy.

A Note on the Board from my husband

I woke up this morning and the note he left said:

I love you so much!
Give Bella a kiss for me!
God has answered our prayers!

It just touched me so. Once again He has answered my prayers. Not that I have
deserved it or that I had the faith that He wanted me to through it. But I have
grown. Maybe one of my biggest "growth spurts" yet. Now I have to tell Him
how sorry I am for the doubt and for wanting at times to give it up. He wouldn't
let me let it go though.

Thank you Lord for not requiring anything from me to make my life wonderful!

I am pregnant!!!

Thank you all so much for all your prayers!!

I have been praying for our country more ever since Pastor said a few weeks ago that he believes that revival is coming and God is going to pour out His Spirit on our country. My heart and thoughts have really been drawn to this a lot lately.

I keep reading all of your blogs and hearing people in our class talking, growing. In my life I am growing probably more in this past year than any other so far. God is revealing Himself, a lot. I know that if it is so prevalent here that it is happening all over this country.

I think that He is preparing us all. Getting us where He wants us. Strengthening us so that we can help carry out His plan for our country. I am sure this has been going on long before I ever came around, but I think that I might actually get to have a very small part in this. It is just such an amazing revelation to me I had to share it.

We were driving to the lake listening to the radio. I was looking out for deer like I usually do on this drive, but it was late and unlikely that I would see any. We were coming to the end of our three and a half hour drive. I was talking to God and trying to have faith. I have had a lot of questions lately and prayers that I haven't seemed to get any answers to. I told God that I just needed to know if He was listening. I asked Him to show me a deer if He was. Within twenty seconds we rounded a turn and saw a momma and two babies on the side of the road. My eyes filled with tears and my heart with gratitude. It was just what I needed.

That night I told Matt what happened. We both laughed that maybe He was also telling us that we would get our twins. I have thought of that almost everyday since and every time it reminds me that God loves me so much and that He loves to show me in ways that are just for me. Also, I have wondered if the twin things was just us or was God showing me that we would really have them.

Tonight on my way home I decided to ask Him. I was a little afraid of His answer, would it be the one I desired? I asked Him that if we were to have twins this month and that is what my deer meant if He would show me another momma and two babies. I peered out of the window, drove fairly slow, and hoped with all my heart. I was coming to the end of Lion's Den road and I told God that it didn't matter I believed anyway. I started to praise Him, more for my need of comfort really.

Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw them. I pulled the car to the shoulder and tried to angle the headlights. YES!!! It was my deer walking into the trees. Once again He told me He loved me and that He does hear me and loves to answer my prayers. What an amazing night.